Circle of Security
Circle of Security is a training program for parents & care givers to better understand our relationship to children, and our role in their holistic development.
The Circle is the metaphor for our children's relationship to us. We are the hands on the circle, the secure base from which children can explore their world, and the safe haven for children to return to when that exploration ends. How we respond to our children's place on the circle creates the foundation of trust and security that will inform their relationships now and in the future.
To be the hands on the circle demands our attention and intention when we interact with our children. We need to understand our emotional triggers so we can avoid unintentionally passing them on to our children.
As the hands, we are taught to be Bigger, Stronger, Wiser, and Kind. The balance between all four principles is critical. When we make a decision, our field of view is wide, and it narrows down to our children. For our children, it's the opposite; their field of view is dominated by us, and everything else is periphery. When we are Big and Strong without Kindness, we end up just being mean. If we are Kind without being Big and Strong, we end up being weak. If we are Bigger, Stronger, and Kind without the Wisdom to apply these principles in balance, we miscue our children, which can be confusing.
The Circle of Security also teaches us that how we respond to our children at different points on the Circle forms the Path to Secure Attachment. We Cue and Miscue our children in our responses based on not just our words, but the also the tone of our voice and body language. Children read these cues instinctively, which informs how they interact with us in the future.
Simply put, a Cue shows our needs and a Miscue hides our needs. All of us, adults and children use both Cues and Miscues with our needs on the Circle. We might Miscue our children when we respond to certain specific needs because they make us uncomfortable. Our children might Miscue us to their needs because they have learned that there are specific needs that make us uncomfortable. Can you remember a time when you might have Miscued someone to avoid making them uncomfortable?
To learn more about Circle of Security, including parent resources and available courses, visit circleofsecurityinternational.com
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